My Feminism Is Not About You. It’s About Me.

I have to deal with stupid “critiques” and rebuttals against feminism on an almost-daily basis. And by critique, I don’t mean the constructive kind that points out actual problems or logical flaws, but garbage along the lines of “thanks to feminism, nice men can’t ask out women in public anymore”, or “feminism causes women to be suspicious of and hate men”, and “feminism is about dominating men”, and my recent Fox News favorite, “feminism and working women causes men to be lazy”.

A lot of feminist bloggers have come out with nicely written articles on how they don’t hate men, just the certain acts of discrimination against them that some men have committed.  They explain that they don’t mean to criticize all men, just their abusive ex-boyfriend or boss who sexually harasses them.

I applaud the patience of these well-meaning bloggers.  However, I don’t see the point in responding to these hard-heads who butt into discussions on topics such as helping women deal with street harassment, helping women improve their self-esteem, helping women advance their careers, and helping women improve their body image – among many things – and try to pivot the discussion around them.  Because how dare women do something to help themselves?  But here’s the deal:

1.)  I have every right to be suspicious of strangers.  I am not obligated to date you if you ask me out in Starbucks, or if you hit on me on the street.

2.)  The career I pursue is none of your business.

3.)  Success is not a zero-sum game.  If your son is a lazy deadbeat, it is not my fault for working.

4.)  If you find independent women “scary”, then leave me alone and continue your search for a co-dependent, insecure, woman.

In conclusion, my feminism is not about hating you, but about loving myself. My feminism is about MY self-improvement, self-esteem, safety, and self-protection. Any problem you have with that is your problem only.


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